Aethelread is a delusional fantasist with WAY too much time on his hands

Ah, bollocks to it.  Another year, another Valentine’s day, and poor little me sat all on my lonesome with nothing to do but nurture my sense of maudlin self-indulgence and sigh theatrically over the total absence of god-awful hallmark poetry and sickly boxes of chocolates in my life…

But wait just a minute.  Who’s this I see coming towards me (I ask, in a better-not-read-any-further-if-you-don’t-want-to-see-pictures-of-guys-not-wearing-very-much kind of way…)?

Why, it’s a judiciously-cropped naked model with unevenly-applied fake tan and an asymmetric haircut that was the height of fashion a few years ago.  How utterly unexpected and charming!  And wait just a minute, what’s that sign he’s holding up?  Why, he’s using it to spontaneously declare his love for me.  How utterly unexpected and charming!  Well, I’m sure I could learn to love you too, young man—

But hang on a minute.  Who’s this trying to muscle his way in now?

Why, it’s a topless fitness model, with tattoos and piercings, and an urgent desire to show me his pants.  How utterly unexpected and charming!  And, look, he’s got a sign too.  Who knew there were two guys just biding their time to declare their interest in me?  Certainly not me, I’ve never seen either of them before, or used image manipulation software to change the messages on their signs, goodness me, no!

Well, it’s hard to know who to go for, isn’t it?  Tsk, I don’t know, decisions, decisions…  No, boys, boys, stop, don’t fight for me! No, please, there’s no need to start wrestling right in front of me like that!  Although…  Hmm, what about a timeshare agreement…

Oh, but there’s no time to think!  Who’s this, now, making all that noise dragging a stool in with him?

Well, I don’t like to be rude and say no, not after you’ve gone to all that effort in the gym—


…goodness me…what a lot of you there seem to be…with your matching wellies*…and all of you looking like actual, real-life people, and so way more attractive than the first three…

You know, the more I think about this, the more I’m sure we could work out one of those ticketed queuing systems like they have for the deli counter…

Ahem.  So, yes, Valentine’s day again.  Have a good one, and don’t let the cynical, exploitative, commercialist arseholes drag you down.

* – The spellchecker wanted to change ‘matching wellies’ to ‘matching willies’…

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7 Responses to Aethelread is a delusional fantasist with WAY too much time on his hands

  1. gun street girl says:

    Oh Aethel…

    this was awesome. thanks :)

  2. Lucy McGough says:


    Matching willies, eh? Whatever next?

  3. aethelreadtheunread says:

    Thanks for the replies.

    Kapitano – well, how kind of you to decide that, since i’ve shown you mine, you should show me yours… ;o) Just goes to show, though – great minds think alike! (…or i guess you could say a great mind thought of it 3 1/2 years ago, and my little mind just got round to it…) :o)

    gun street girl – glad you enjoyed it. :o)

    Lucy McGough – lol :o)

  4. J. Wibble says:

    Mmmmm, eye-candy. Cheered me right up, that did :)

  5. Heather says:

    I like how your spellchecker thinks!

  6. aethelreadtheunread says:

    Thanks for the extra comments.

    J Wibble – glad to be of service :o)

    Heather – yes, i do too! :o)

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