…crap, pretty much.
Last Friday I was whimpering away to myself (well, and to you too, actually) about how I was feeling very lacking in energy, and was experiencing waves of nausea. I have come to the conclusion that this may not be unconnected to my diet over the last little while:
- Monday 16.03.09 – 6x Fishfingers, boiled new potatoes, baked beans.
- Sunday 15.03.09 – 3x Baked potatoes, with baked beans.
- Saturday 14.03.09 – Boiled white rice, with frozen peas, tinned sweetcorn, tinned sliced green beans, pine nuts and cashew nuts stirred in. (I have named this dish ‘Seriously Lazy Stab At A Sort-of Vaguely Risotto-ish Type Thing’…)
- Friday 13.03.09 – 2x sausages, oven chips, baked beans.
- Thursday 12.03.09 – oven chips.
- Wednesday 11.03.09 – 2x sausages, boiled new potatoes, baked beans.
- Tuesday 10.03.09 – 2x ‘southern style’ quorn burgers, boiled new potatoes, frozen peas.
In addition to these main meals each day’s diet has included 1x banana, 1x ‘A to Z’ multivitamin & mineral pill (this is the only reason I don’t have scurvy, anaemia, rickets etc), 1x packet of ready-salted Hula Hoops, at least 4x pints of Blackcurrant & Apple Squash, at least 3x mugs of Rooibos tea with 2 sugars and skimmed milk (I mean, full-fat milk would be unhealthy…), and repeated grazings from a selection of Mini Rolls, assorted varieties of biscuit, Mr Kipling Almond Slices, mint Aeros, Snickers, Mars and Bounty bars.
I’m no nutritionist, but I’m guessing this diet is unlikely to win any awards in a healthy eating competition:
- Fat content = Fail
- Sugar content = Mega Fail
- Salt content = Fail
- Fibre content = Fail
- 5x portions of fresh fruit & veg per day = Mega Fail
Of course, if you were hoping for obesity, coronary heart disease, high blood pressure, type II diabetes, assorted flavours of cancer and early death, then this diet = Mega Win. It’s not so much a diet as an exceptionally slow suicide attempt.
I should probably be worrying about the salt content most, as I have fairly high blood pressure at the best of times, and ought to be having 6-monthly checks with the nurse at my GP’s surgery, although, of course, I’m not. Waiting room with sick people in it + medical test that may reveal bad news + possibility of being prescribed yet more medication = Aethelread hiding in flat saying ‘Waah! Don’t wanna! Don’t wanna go see nasty nurse! Nasty nurse probubry smells of poo anyway!’ Also, depression makes it very hard to be motivated to care about things like monitoring physical health problems. I mean, the worst thing that could happen is death, and as far as I’m concerned that would just be an opportunity for a nice lie-down and a bit of a rest.*
Anyway, the galloping depression and clouds of anxiety that are causing all these problems are probably a little beyond my ability to fix right now, but I can make a stab at some other things. I’ve already stepped-up my exercise regime – I walked for about 5 miles yesterday, and about 3 today. (Why, yes, my legs are killing me, how ever did you guess?) The next most obvious thing to do is to improve my diet, but I have to be honest the inspiration and motivation for that is running exceptionally thin at the moment.
And that’s where this blog post has come in. I’m hoping that seeing it set out in black & white in public like this will motivate me to actually do something about it. I mean, I’m no lover of Gillian McKeith, but I guess this is a kind of virtual equivalent of the ‘before’ table in her revolting excuse for a TV programme. (You know, the one that’s aimed at rich young professionals, and gives them the chance to express sneering contempt for people who buy their groceries at Iceland, while telling each other that the hand-cured organic Parma ham from Waitrose is really very good value at only £947.50 a pound, and goes perfectly with a sun-dried tomato & fresh basil ciabatta, and that £45 bottle of ‘plonk’ from Odbins…) I’m not promising there will ever be an ‘after’ table, although, if there is, I can categorically assure you it won’t have any mung beans or wheatgrass-and-pond-algae smoothies on it. But, you never know, I might manage to eat something with actual food in it at some point.
…er… this post seems to have come to a very abrupt stop, doesn’t it? Must be time for some disgustingly sweet tea and a small mountain of chocolate…
* – Note to born worriers – wishing for death does not equal suicidal thoughts. I’m fine, and will be moping around this mangy old blog for decades to come. You don’t get shot of me that easily, I’m afraid…